Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
