based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
