i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize