Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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