Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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