The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
