I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
