Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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