I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
