You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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