This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
