youre lurking in front of me
where does the pee come out of this thing
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize