Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize