just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
