is your mom at the bar?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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