Small penises have feelings too.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
