You're so nebulous sometimes
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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