i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize