peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
