Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
