That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize