if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize