Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize