I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
