I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
