I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
