in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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