woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize