3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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