it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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