And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
