Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
