If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
