I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My balls are so social today.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
