gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
