I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
