Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
