So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
