I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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