she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
