Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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