shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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