I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
