I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
