Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
