I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
