Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
