It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
