I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
