So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
