when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i think im in europe. pls send help
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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