yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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