I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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