your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
