help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
