I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
