dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
