i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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