I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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