he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
