Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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