Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
