I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
