are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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