There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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