He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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