dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize