I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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