that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize