Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
