i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize