yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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