Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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