its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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