my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize