Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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