I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
