how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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