Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
