did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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