the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
