ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
