Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
